January 14, 2005
Punjis for Peace
I'd like to take a few minutes of your time to talk about a modest proposal for stopping illegal immigration.
It is simple in design, cost-effective to implement, and best of all, it nearly pays for itself.
As we all know, illegal immigration to the United States is growing problem. According to a recent Bear Sterns report(PDF), there may be as many as 20 million illegal aliens in the United States. These illegals are taking between 4-6 million jobs that used to belong to American workers, essentially outsourcing American jobs within America. This is a travesty.
In addition to taking American jobs, uninsured illegals are driving up healthcare costs for the American taxpayer, which hurts legal immigrants and native-born American citizens alike, and costs the nation billions of healthcare dollars. Los Angeles hospitals alone are losing more than $350 million each year on illegal aliens. These dollar figures do not begin to account for the law enforcement bill caused by illegals, who are each and every one a criminal, and occasionally terrorist sympathizers to boot. These illegal aliens are crippling the American economy.
It is time we cripple them back.
President Bush calls for changes on the status of illegal aliens, and proposes making them legal workers. I'm sorry Mr. President, but simply making them taxable doesn't address the issue, and may even encouage more illegal immigration.
I don't see where plans sponsored by either political party will halt the flow of illegals blatantly sponsored by certain banana republics looking to sponge off money flowing southward from jobs that should be rightfully held by hard-working Americans.
No we need strong, decisive action, and I think I have the answer in a simple economical solution.
Instead of spending billions of dollars and thousands of additional man-hours on patrolling the border, we can simply line suspected border crossing areas with thousands of hidden pits filled with sharp sticks covered in human waste. Then simply send out bi-weekly patrols to pick up any survivors that haven't succumbed to infection or the desert heat, and take them to the border, where we will unceremoniously dump them back into Mexico where they belong.
Once there, Mexican authorities must cover the costs of debriding week-old gangrenous wounds caused by their lack of respect for U.S. sovereignty. I'm no medical expert, but the medical costs associated with treating thousands of these cases each month should encourage Mexican authorities close up their side of the border tighter than a nun's thighs in no time at all.
In addition, after a few illegals return home from Mexican hospitals minus a foot or two, the prevalence of cripples in their neighborhoods might open up space in the internal Mexican job market for those that are still healthy, while encouraging potential illegals to stay and better their own economies instead of literally risking life and limb.
Once Mexico strengthens its border security and Mexicans are willing to work at crappy jobs in their own country instead of ours, relations between our two nations can improve. That thought alone should be inspiring.
Punjis for Peace. Punjis for Prosperity.
Indeed.
