October 18, 2005

Bats in the Belfry, Rove in the Garage

Associated Press writer Darlene Superville, who first gained critical acclaim for her whimsical Plasterer's Digest expose, "Cheney: A Study in Stucco," and turned heads with the tawdry American Builder Weekly home foundations article, "What's in Condi's Crawlspace?" has now turned out her finest work yet in the riveting, "Rove: A KingBuilders Garage:"

He is "the architect" who steered George W. Bush to victory four times, twice as Texas governor and twice as president.

But can Karl Rove organize his own garage? Can the master of Bush's political planning figure out where to put the ladders, paint cans and cardboard boxes?

Engrossing, isn't it? Just the kind of stellar reporting you've come to expect from the Associated Press. But that's not all the sordid detail Superville has to offer:

There was no car in the garage. And the stuff left behind turned out not to be much different from what gathers dust inside most American garages.

The inventory, seen from outside:

_Some cardboard file boxes stacked one on top of the other, labeled "Box 6," "Box 4" and what appears to be "Box 7." No sign of boxes 1, 2, 3 and 5.

Could it be possible? Are these the same "boxes 1, 2, 3 and 5" that a secret operative of "G.W" removed just last week, claiming that the only contained jeans and assorted ties? Was there in fact a spotted blue dress? Has Patrick Fitzgerald Fitzgerald Patrick been notified?

What appear to be paint cans stacked alongside a folded, folding chair.

Are these really paint cans, or are they the WMDs planted in Uncle Saddam's Happy Fun Palace, used to justify an illegal and immoral war to force democracy upon unwilling Iraqi torturers, and then smuggled back to Rove's lair for later use against Syria or Finland?

A rather large wood crate marked "FRAGILE" and painted with arrows indicating which way is up.

Could she verify that this crate contained the stolen and almost mythical Daily Kos Plan For Taking Over The Democratic Leadership Council?

On top of the crate, two coolers.

Uday? Qusay? Oh, Bartleby! Oh, humanity!

A tall aluminum ladder.

Because the ice caps are melting and sea level is rising! Proof of global warming!

A snow shovel leaned in front of another cardboard box.

Because the ice sheets are returning and glaciers are coming! Proof of global cooling!

Wicker baskets inside of wicker baskets on top of a shelf running the length of the rear wall. Transparent plastic storage bins crammed with indiscernible stuff. Another cardboard box.

Is it really "indiscernible stuff," or Ohio ballots carefully hidden from Keith Olbermann among the Longaberger?

In one corner, the rear wheel of a bicycle sticks out, along with what appears to be a helmet.

Just a reminder of who's really in charge, eh George?

Another ladder, this one green, leaning sideways.

Leaning right, you devious shill.

I can hardly wait for Somerville's next article, "Scooter Libby's Private Privy."

Update: Don Surber has similar thoughts.

Posted by Confederate Yankee at October 18, 2005 12:29 AM | TrackBack