December 10, 2006


I just a received an email that claims to show photographic proof of the Jamil Hussein/Burning Six story of the Associated Press. Make of it what you will.


I must take issue with your attempt to discredit Mr. Jamil Hussein, nonexistent though he may be, regarding his story about six Sunni worshippers who were burned alive outside a bombed mosque. I submit for your review the attached photograph, which clearly shows a Shiite insurgent wielding a gas pump from which spouts fuel that feeds the flames engulfing his Sunni victim. The other five victims, already aflame, are visible in foreground and background amid the rubble of the mosque. My objection to your criticism of Mr. Hussein, however, arises not from your skepticism over his claim that the men in question were actually Sunnis, or were actually burned, or were actually alive once, or were dead later, or that the attackers who did or did not do the burning were or were not Shiites, or that they did or did not burn the Sunnis who were or were not burned; indeed, I recognize all of these to be points over which reasonable people can in good faith disagree.

(click to enlarge)

Rather, I find it alarming that you fail to fail to reveal the truth that underlies this incident, if it happened: clearly, Mr. Hussein was coerced by U.S. and Israeli agents into suppressing his knowledge that the supposed Shiite incendiary insurgent in the photograph is actually a Mossad operative. In light of this fact, Mr. Hussein's pretended existence is obviously a cover designed to disguise his non-identity and avoid reprisals from the Vast Right Wing Conspirators who blew up the World Trade Center in the mistaken belief that it was actually the United Nations building.

By revealing that Mr. Hussein is not truly Jamil Hussein, but is another non-existent person of a different name, you have "outed" him, making him vulnerable to attack by the same American Jewish interests that used Valerie Plame to attack Karl Rove in order to punish Bush for his too-tepid support for the establishment of a Hebrew-only language policy in the Jew-occupied territories stretching from Brooklyn to Ethiopia. As you know, the Hasidim of Flatbush* oppose the use of Hebrew, instead preferring to use Yiddish in order to hasten the arrival of the Messiah. As this extremist party sees the outbreak of Total War between Jews and Muslims as a precursor to the divine visitation, they surely will not take kindly to Mr. Hussein's deceptions on behalf of liberal Israeli accommodationists. The accommodationists - including the aggressor in the photograph - pose as apostate Jews (though many are actually Christian Phalangist moles), and are known to be inflaming sectarian violence in Iraq. They hope that if things get nasty enough, the U.N. will step in and resolve the conflict before Iran gains dominance. They calculate that an ascendant, nuclear capable Iran would need to surrender unconditionally to Israel in order to restrain itself from launching a pre-emptive nuclear strike on Jerusalem and Tel Aviv that would, in fact, hasten the arrival of the Messiah.

In sum, you, sir, have made it impossible for the person who Mr. Hussein is not to do his work with impunity. By revealing that Mr. Hussein does not exist, you have placed him in mortal danger at the hands of deathmongering moderate Jewish Israelis and Americans whose counterespionage protocols call for the death or subjugation of all non-existent persons.

I hope you're happy.

Jamal Hussein (no relation)
Sandy, Utah, USA

P.S., Should you find yourself needing legal representation over this matter, I kindly refer you to my esteemed associate Ramzi al-Clarkstein Baker'sman McCarterGates. He's not Jewish, but he's still a decent lawyer.

*Note: "FlatBUSH" - mere coincidence?

I'm not certain if Mr. Hussein's claims are accurate, but his explanation sounds every bit as credible as what the Associated Press has offered up as evidence so far.

Posted by Confederate Yankee at December 10, 2006 07:05 PM | TrackBack

A Reuters photo no doubt?

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 10, 2006 08:05 PM

Totally valid. Indisputable. Offensive to even question it.

F the bloggers.

Posted by: Good Lt at December 10, 2006 10:41 PM

Oh my! This is just awful! To think that people would actually call for the deaths of non-existent persons is just horrendous! I have nothing more to say! I feel sick and nauseous. I'm taking a tranquilizer and going to bed. Oh my!

Posted by: Feel Sick at December 10, 2006 11:38 PM

Hey! Where's Green Helmet Guy?

Posted by: SJBill at December 11, 2006 12:17 AM

Yes ...where is Green Helmet Guy? Is it possible that he's THE DEVIL (cue music) ...oh wait, that's not right. Sorry. CUT! My but the years do so just fly by these days. Hmm. Where was I ...oh yes. Let's try this again. So. Where is Green Helmet Guy? Is it possible that he's JAMAL WHOSEEN? (cue music)

Posted by: davis,br at December 11, 2006 02:29 AM

Needs smoke.

Posted by: fidens at December 11, 2006 03:03 AM

So, Green Helmet was actually a Mossad agent provocateur? Who knew?

Posted by: Clioman at December 11, 2006 08:04 AM

"Needs Smoke"

ADNAN, ADD MORE SMOKE! And don't screw it up like last time.

Posted by: BohicaTwentyTwo at December 11, 2006 08:47 AM

Hey, isn't that Baghdad Bob in the background?

Posted by: bobdog here at December 11, 2006 09:35 AM

Jamil exists. Doesn't he have a Lebanese wife?

Flat Fatima.

Posted by: sbw at December 11, 2006 09:55 AM

Mr. (no relation)

By all that is good and great you have managed to extract kerosene from a gas pump, praise Jabba the Hut!

Being an inquisitive Western reporter of all important facts and evidence, do you have any pictures of Britny Spears? And do you have any idea where the rest of the letters in her name went?

Before I leave, thank you oh, honest man...for gracing me with these pictures, which I know come at such great risk to you personally, may you be blessed for all eternity. I was wondering if I may ask one more small favor.

Can I get in on some of that 72 virgin thing, if I continue to print your pictures and accounts of the going-on in Iraq? I mean, I went to a Big Ten school in the 70's and majored in Liberal Arts...and there was kind of a shortage, you know? So, if there's any way for me to sort of barter my services here...can you get me a coupon or something from Pimp Mo?

Posted by: cfbleachers at December 11, 2006 10:41 AM

Moslems are dumb enough to take that post seriously. Bad idea.

Posted by: Phillep at December 11, 2006 11:14 AM

Well, I'm convinced. Yes, I am. Noooo doubt about it.

Posted by: RebeccaH at December 11, 2006 12:17 PM

It was an adnan sockpuppet....who knew?

Posted by: Specter at December 12, 2006 07:48 AM