May 18, 2007

Desperate Non-Wives

Perhaps its just my perception, but perhaps the reason that there are so few men taking wine-tasting and tennis classes in New York City is not that they are uninterested in the subject, but that the men who have these interests are already dating each other.

I'm kidding. Mostly.

Ann Althouse takes another stab at answering the question:

Men prefer to look at something they have decided to do and figure it out on their own. They like to observe, analyze, and discover. They accept the risks and enjoy the excitement of trial and error. They don't like sitting around having someone tell them what to do, and they aren't intrigued by the prospect of meeting women who spend so much time doing something they loathe.

Now, I just made that up, but it was no more made up than the explanation in the article.

Althouse is a lot closer to reality than the loopy NY Times reporter.

I don't know any of my male friends who would sign up for a class to learn how to do anything; typically if they're interested in a subject, they'll ask a buddy for pointers or just dive right in. The trial and error is part of what makes new experiences worthwhile.

Of course, the choice of activity matters a great deal as well.

Look at the list of classes chosen by these desperate women: "tennis, running, sailing, horseback riding, fitness boot camp and scuba diving classes" and "golf, cooking or music class," and "Thai kickboxing or jazz appreciation."

Now honestly... how men of these activities are of interest to most single straight men in the age groups these women are targeting? Cooking and music classes? Thai kickboxing and jazz appreciation? These might appeal to men when they get older, but most younger single men have very little interest in these subjects, and even if they did, as Althouse correctly observed, they'd just do it.

If these women wanted to meet men, they'll find out what men like and where they hang out, and go there.

Somehow, I doubt that advice will lead them back to a jazz appreciation class.

Posted by Confederate Yankee at May 18, 2007 12:14 PM

I feel no sympathy whatsoever for any single person in NYC who is incapable of finding a mate. Having lived the the same neighborhood as she did, let me confirm what every single man already knows. GO TO A BAR FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! IF YOU WANT TO MEET A GUY GO TO A BAR, ORDER A DRINK, COUNT TO 10. Here's are three places to start. Molly's on 3rd Ave, Telephone Bar & Grill on 2nd Ave M J Armstrongs on 1st Ave.

Posted by: BohicaTwentyTwo at May 18, 2007 12:39 PM

I don't know any older men either who are interested in those subjects. When I was interested in meeting men, I started a Monday Night Football Party at my house. Started with 3 guys who I already knew and were good friends and over the next three years the group grew to anywhere from 10 to 30 guys on any given night. As the group grew, I even made it "bring your own beer" but I always had the snacks and comfy chairs or big pillows to lounge on on the floor. At first I felt like I had to play hostess and would jump up and wait on the guys, but as the weeks went on they started treating me like their mascot and began to cater to my needs. Many of these Monday Night Football parties extended over to weekend BBQ's and other casual activities.

A girlfriend who stopped by unexpectedly said the next day, "how does a middle age average looking woman get some of the best looking guys in town to hang out with her?" My answer, "become one of the guys."

I'm happy to say that most of those guys are still good friends of mine and always invite me to any parties they have and this is 20 years later.

Posted by: Pal2Pal at May 18, 2007 01:11 PM

There's only one activity in that list that require classes and that's scuba, otherwise you won't get certified. Maybe sailing because it's not an intuitive activity.

But jazz appreciation? You go, you listen, you appreciate. Or not.

Running? You put one foot in front of the other at a quicker pace than walking. That is called running. Class dismissed.

Horseback riding? There's a reason women enjoy this more than men.

The big problem is the women themselves. They get interested in something because they think men are interested? No. You get interested in something that interests you and then you meet people with the same interests.

Sweet Jeebus, how hard a concept is that to grasp?

Posted by: David Terrenoire at May 18, 2007 01:20 PM

Well that explains why these women are looking for men instead of men looking for them.

Posted by: 1sttofight at May 18, 2007 02:31 PM

What the hell do these women want to meet men for in the first place? They claim not to need them; have no respect for them; have made beatin' up on men, particularly white men, the national pasttime; and wouldn't know a real man - the kind worth having - if they fell over one. Which they probably have.

Reap = sow.

Posted by: Cindi at May 18, 2007 02:43 PM

Cindi!?!? They're going to pull your card.

Posted by: CoRev at May 18, 2007 03:08 PM

Nope, CoRev, they can bring it on but it's not gonna happen. I'm a firm believer and practioner of our 2A. Heh.

I calls 'em as I sees 'em; that's what a REAL WOMAN does.

Posted by: Cindi at May 18, 2007 03:50 PM

After 12 years in the Marines I have an intense distrust of anyone that goes running with nobody making them. Do people really take classes to learn how? Just move to a bad neighborhood. It worked for me.

Posted by: iaintbacchus at May 18, 2007 04:35 PM

Ever since Rudy cleaned up Times Square it's been hard to find a bunch of available guys in one place.

Posted by: Tim at May 18, 2007 08:14 PM

I was living in NYC in the '80s when that guy's parents got tired of paying for a professional student, so he went and started "The Learning Annex" distributed free on the street. You could sign up for courses in basket-weaving, wine and cheese tasting, how to lose a Brooklyn accent, how to get one for an acting job, etc.etc. We would read these at the pubs and wait till the gals came out to party. Never took one of those courses; if I want learn something, I just read blueprints and manuals, or find an expert on my own.

Posted by: Tom TB at May 19, 2007 05:08 AM

"Now honestly... how men of these activities are of interest to most single straight men in the age groups these women are targeting?"

Hey! HEY! Scuba diving and golf - not activities straight men are interested in? Wrongo, bub. As someone else on this thread mentioned, classes are mandatory in scuba unless you're not looking to get certified. And, as someone who's enjoyed the sport since 18 years of age, I can tell you that anyone who doesn't feel they need the instruction is playing with his life.

As for golf: well, let's just say that 1) Tiger Woods still signs up for instruction and 2) I don't want to spend 10 years trying to figure it out on my own enough to not be the worst golfer within 50 miles! ;)

I'm 100% with you on the jazz appreciation.

Posted by: Ric James at May 19, 2007 07:16 AM