January 02, 2008

PPP-Nuts: Dr. Evil Killed Bhutto...

...with a "la-ser."

Former prime minister and PPP Chairperson Benazir Bhutto was targeted with the latest laser beam technology, being used by the American forces in Iraq, PPP sources told TheNation Tuesday.

Baitullah Mahsud and Taliban don't have such technology. After bomb blasts in Karachi on Oct 18, Mahsud sent two messages to Benazir in which he said that they have neither any hostility against her, nor would make any attempt to kill her.

"When Benazir was admitted to Rawalpindi General Hospital, Dr M Musaddiq Khan told a PPP leader that he saw such a case for the first time in his life. These wounds were not of bullets, Dr said and added that she had expired before shifting to the hospital and a part of her brain and blood had spilled over from her head," the sources unveiled.

Believe it or not, quasi-respectable news agencies are also picking the story up, including The Australian. Even blogs, including The Moderate Voice, are running this at face value.

Truly, we have lost the War on Drugs.

There are indeed man-portable and vehicle mounted laser units in the world's militaries, but all of those smaller than a locomotive are "dazzler"-type non-lethal weapons, meant to blind people or sensors... they cannot kill someone.

Those military lasers powerful enough to kill missiles—or anything else—are so large that the have to be mounted on ships or multi-engine aircraft. One of the smallest versions ( and few actually close to production use; most others are still experimental) the MTHEL, or Mobile Tactical High-Energy Laser, is "mobile" is that it can be carried by three tractor-trailers before being assembled into a fixed weapons system.

The beam created by these huge and very expensive lasers is not small, either. The MRACL tested at White Sands New Mexico had a beam 5.5" square.

In that regard, A.J. Strata is wrong when he states:

But if a high powered laser were to be used it would leave just as much of a signature as a bullet. A nice clean, cauterized path would be clearly evident.

In actuality, locomotive-sized laser weapons would work on human beings the same way they work in shooting down missiles and artillery shells. It superheats them until they blow apart. As Bhutto's head did not burst like Jiffy-Pop, this stupid theory should quickly be put to rest. Unfortunately, as soon as some nutter figures out who owns such defense weapons systems the conspiracy theorizing is only likely to get worse.

Posted by Confederate Yankee at January 2, 2008 03:23 PM

Dear Lord the moonbats are running wild with this one...

Posted by: Conservative CBU at January 2, 2008 03:40 PM

He didn't recognize the wound, ergo it must be that _new_ weapon that's going around.

Makes sense to me.

Posted by: Zorachus at January 2, 2008 04:31 PM


I never assumed she was hit with a anti-missile laser BECAUSE it would have vaporized her! Anyway - it is a hoot!

Posted by: AJStrata at January 2, 2008 04:40 PM

The moonbats desperately need this to be another evil Bush plot.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at January 2, 2008 04:41 PM

"These wounds were not of bullets..."

Clearly then these wounds could only have been caused by a controlled demolition.

Posted by: sherlock at January 2, 2008 05:18 PM

How very depressing that any media outside of al Jazeera would run this with a straight face.

Ray Robison is the author of Both In One Trench: Saddam's Secret Terror Documents

Posted by: Ray Robison at January 2, 2008 05:43 PM

But can it melt steel....?...

Posted by: usinkorea at January 2, 2008 07:11 PM

I blame the Alan Parsons Project:

Posted by: JayC at January 2, 2008 08:01 PM

Cheney probably had his genetically modified vampires, the ones that can operate in daylight, standing by as backup. They're awesome. I read about them on TV.

We got the bestest weaponz.

Posted by: daleyrocks at January 2, 2008 08:28 PM

Oh dear. While I'm hardly a physicist, I do know about about laser propagation as it applies to weapons. Even our most advanced laser weapons (those that aren't under the cloak of a black project anyway) are indeed very, very large. The aircraft bourn anti-missile laser now under development requires a gutted and highly modified 747 to contain its components, is good for only a handful of shots, and kills missles by focusing its beam on them for a span of seconds, long enough to burn through the very thin aluminum or carbon fiber skin of the missle. When that occurs, aerodynamic drag does the rest, tearing the missle to pieces. There is no known, even remotely man portable, laser capable of instantaneously penetrating a human body in the way some suggest here. Remember, we can generate laser beams, the problem is that for them to be effective as weapons, an enormous amount of power is required, and that quantify of power input, more than anything else, is what makes laser weapons so large.

Besides, what sense would it make to zap someone with a laser weapon, even if such exised? Islamic terrorists have those? Talk about leaving a trail of breadcrumbs back to one's doorstep...

Posted by: Mike at January 2, 2008 08:39 PM

Anything to try and smear Dubya.

The next step: claim--even if not true and easily debunked--that Halliburton was involved in laser weapon research. I dunno if they were or not, but that's clearly the next step of the barking moonbats.

Posted by: C-C-G at January 2, 2008 09:55 PM

"Bush lased, Bhutto blazed"

Posted by: Ray Robison at January 2, 2008 10:15 PM

Don't lase me, bro!

Posted by: daleyrocks at January 3, 2008 01:01 AM

Wow, I didn't know we had lasers that could cause depressed skull fractures! Sounds more like gravity beam.

Posted by: Tully at January 3, 2008 08:40 AM