July 06, 2010

Is a .30-06 the Best Round for Aliens?

I always thought the .223 was purpose-built for little green men, but to each his own:

Fairfield Police Sgt. James Perez said Dane Eisenman, 57, responded to a classified advertisement for a .30-06 rifle about a month ago. While filing out the paper for the rifle, police said, he mentioned to the seller what he would be using the weapon for.

"He said he was going to use the weapon to kill aliens," Perez said.

The seller was unsure if Eisenman was referring to space aliens or illegal aliens, Perez added. Sgt. Perez said Eisenman told the seller of the rifle every 36,000 years, aliens who live under the sun come to Earth to kill humans, and he needed to be prepared because "They're going to be coming soon."

The U.S. Justice Department immediately vowed to fight any laws aimed at resisting their invasion.

Posted by Confederate Yankee at July 6, 2010 10:19 AM

Military-industrial complex secret: the "AE" in ".50 AE" actually stands for "Alien Exterminator".

Posted by: Runcible at July 6, 2010 11:21 AM

The calibers that are mentioned in the prost are fine for regular aliens, but what about zombie aliens? Something to consider. The .223 and the 30-06 are fine, but I'd prefer the 375 H&H for both penetration AND knock down energy.

Posted by: Ralphie at July 6, 2010 11:54 AM

"aliens who live under the sun"

Ah! They live in the shadow of the sun! I never thought of that.

Posted by: Bob Hawkins at July 6, 2010 12:20 PM

Except that traditional, chemical energy firearms are useless against space aliens. They have force fields, remember?

No indeed, the only guns that will bring down a space alien is a water pistol or a Super Soaker. Mel Gibson proved it in Signs. In an emergecy, just throw a glass of water on 'em.

Posted by: Donald Sensing at July 6, 2010 03:12 PM

I'll take the plasma rifle in the 40 watt range.

Posted by: Ah-nold at July 6, 2010 05:19 PM

Okay, he has Grays covered, but what about Reapers and Cyberdiscs?

Posted by: Dixie at July 6, 2010 08:28 PM

10 mm, explosive tip, caseless, standard light armor-piercing round.

Posted by: RobinGoodfellow at July 6, 2010 09:06 PM

30-06 is wonderful, but it should be delivered through a Browning Automatic Rifle. Otherwise, .45ACP from a 1911 pistol would be my preferred alternative.

JMB(PBUH) built them to stop most anything. I doubt if aliens are exempt.

Worst case, I'll go with a BHP, but my love for JMB designs is a bit stifled by my distaste for the Europellet. But they do make them in a .40 now, so all is not lost on that front either.

Posted by: jefferson101 at July 6, 2010 09:41 PM

Okay, he has Grays covered, but what about Reapers and Cyberdiscs?

Blaster bombs, of course.

As for Chryssalids, fire everything at them until they're all down.

Posted by: Patrick Chester at July 6, 2010 09:53 PM

I actually prefer the .308 Lapua boat-tail, moly coated. Just like NCIS Special Agent Gibbs.

Posted by: Gunpowder Chronicle at July 6, 2010 10:10 PM

Ah-nold wrote:

"I'll take the plasma rifle in the 40 watt range."

Ummmm... don't you mean 40 GIGA-watt range?

A. C.

Posted by: A. C. at July 6, 2010 10:16 PM

The aliens who live under the sun are some of the worst aliens the universe has to offer. But boy do they have nice tans.

Posted by: Kevin at July 7, 2010 07:23 AM

Idiot. Its a 40,000 year cycle.

Posted by: OdinsAcolyte at July 7, 2010 10:32 AM

Donald: "I'm Melting! Melting! Oh! What a world, what a world!..." (Wicked witch of the West)

Posted by: OdinsAcolyte at July 7, 2010 10:35 AM

"Phased-plasma pulse rifle in 40-watt range"

Posted by: Federale at July 7, 2010 12:17 PM

Clearly the police should be empowered to demand proof of humanity from those they suspect might be aliens.

Also, let's build a fence around the earth.

Posted by: libarbarian at July 7, 2010 05:30 PM

"Also, let's build a fence around the earth."

Then we'd be the Ringworld.

And attract Puppeteers.

Quick, someone call Niven & Pournelle!

Posted by: Lazarus Long at July 8, 2010 08:08 AM

Ah-nold wrote:

"I'll take the plasma rifle in the 40 watt range."

Ummmm... don't you mean 40 GIGA-watt range?

A. C.

Posted by: A. C.

Shockingly enough the actual quote is "40 watt". Dude, it's PLASMA. 40 watts is enough.

Posted by: arthur at July 8, 2010 10:45 PM

I guess if we're talking the classic "little green men" 5.56mm is the stuff. Get the job done and you can carry lots of rounds.

But if we're talking larger, heftier aliens, like maybe from Predator, then maybe we want something like 12 ga slugs for close in work and .338 Lapua for distance.

I see that I'm going to have to expand my collection once again, darn it.

Posted by: Steve Skubinna at July 8, 2010 10:49 PM

H&H .700 Nitro Express for short range. There's no such thing as overkill. Make the FNG carry your ammo. (Contact me for payment arrangements for long-range recommendations.)

Posted by: Thorvald at July 10, 2010 12:03 AM