"It's Deja Vu All Over Again"

So said everyman’s philosopher, Yogi Berra. But it was “The Onion,” during the Clinton years, that wrote the immortal headline: “President Clinton To Feel Nation’s Pain, Breasts.” And just when Americans thought it was safe for wholesome, American breasts to once again roam free, the man responsible for diminishing the office of the presidency more than anyone ever thought possible poked his head into the White House Press Room and said “I’m baaaaaaaccckkk!”

For those just emerging from Afghan caves, President Obama met with President Clinton at the White House today. After their meeting, Mr. Obama held a press conference, accompanied by President Clinton. That’s when things got weird. Mr. Obama abruptly excused himself to attend a Christmas event, leaving Mr. Clinton to continue the press conference, which, as Mr. Clinton is prone to do, ran substantially longer than any press conference Mr. Obama has ever held. Words such as bizarre, surreal, inexplicable, even bull goose looney seem inadequate to describe the spectacle of Mr. Clinton, once again standing before the press in the White House, calmly and authoritatively taking questions as though he was still POTUS, as though he had--shudder--never left.

While Mr. Obama has certainly inflicted substantial pain on America with a great deal more to come as Obamacare, the bill we had to pass to discover its contents is, bit by bit, revealed, Mr. Clinton’s blast from the past was surely one of the strangest things ever done by any American president. Even for a President as utterly inexperienced and politically tone deaf as Mr. Obama, this was truly an epic feat, ironically accompanied today by the announcement by Gallup of the lowest ever approval ratings for Mr. Obama.

It’s well known that Mr. Obama is simply bored with the trivialities of the Presidency while simultaneously having no idea of the importance of related symbols. But can Mr. Obama actually be so empty-headed as to fail to grasp the symbolism of leaving his own press conference and turning it over to only the second president in US history ever to be impeached? At a time when Iran is planning to install missiles capable of delivering nuclear warheads to America in Venezuela, when Iran is impeded in its quest for those warheads only by a computer virus, when the Koreas could be at war at any second, when even fourth rate nations feel free to insult and ignore America, when our nation is going bankrupt faster that Mr. Clinton could take a congressional phone call while simultaneously undergoing a, ahem, presidential staffing, America is in desperate need of strong, adult leadership. So Mr. Obama turns it over to Bill Clinton.

America’s only hope is that this is just a temporary glimpse into an alternate reality, or perhaps we are reliving a bad episode of “The Twilight Zone,” and as soon as we change the channel, it will all go away. The alternative is that Mr. Clinton will, all too soon, have an unimaginable amount of American pain to feel. American breasts, widely believed to be under wraps, could not be reached for a comment.