Quick Takes, February 10, 2011

ITEM: In the "Lunatic Obsession and Total Lack of Responsibility" department comes NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg who is, once again, running straw man gun buying schemes in jurisdictions somewhat outside NYC, this time: Arizona! Arizona?! Yes, Arizona. Is Bloomberg breaking local and federal laws in doing this? Yes. Does he have any authority to do this? No. Is he neglecting his duties as Mayor of NYC? Yes. Should New Yorkers (if they’re ever able to dig out) and the Feds be--figuratively speaking (we’re all about the “new civility” here at CY)--rapping him upside the head and bidding him do his actual, you know, job? As Sarah Palin would say, you betcha! And I always thought that being the Mayor of NYC was pretty much a full time gig. Just one more thing I was wrong about, apparently.

ITEM: In this week’s “Is That Cool Or What?” department, we have: The skin gun! Via Hot Air (video here) comes news of a medical breakthrough that really is a breakthrough. To prevent infection, and to hasten healing, burn patients need to have their open wounds, excruciatingly painful wounds that often cover large portions of their bodies, covered with skin as quickly as possible, but skin grafts are frail, difficult to handle and take weeks or months to work. The inventor of the skin gun--essentially a high tech medical spray gun--Jorg Gerlach demonstrates it in the National Geographic video at the link. Taking skin stem cells from the patient, a serum is made using their own cells and sprayed on the wound. The results are miraculous, healing enormous burns in a matter of days and without scarring. Remember this the next time anyone tells you we ought to be praising the ancient scientific accomplishments of peoples currently unable to manufacture toasters.

ITEM: In the “Just Desserts” department, Wikileaker Julian Assange recently experienced the joys of mutual exposure when the contents of his Swedish sexual assault files were mysteriously released on the Internet. The misuse of the net so blithely celebrated by self-righteous web vermin like Assange is deplorable, yet one can’t help but take a bit of vicarious pleasure in this kind of Old Testament justice. But don’t take too much pleasure. Wikileaks has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, which, considering the dimwitted miscreants who have received it of late, is merely par for the course. My favorite commentary on the NPP was an eatery sign making the rounds of the Net after Mr Obama’s NPP, awarded for being so “him,” advertising (here) “Free Nobel Peace Prize With An Order Of Shrimp Tacos.” Indeed. At least one can still be worthy of a shrimp taco. The NPP? I’m not so sure...

ITEM: Yes, its another school shooting, but instead of the perpetrator mowing down scores of innocents and committing suicide, this evil malefactor was arrested by alert, efficient police officers and is facing criminal charges. At the age of seven. On January 17 in Hammonton, NJ, a boy described by school authorities as “a nice kid” and “a good student” was arrested at the urging of school authorities for...wait for it...allegedly shooting a $5.00 Nerf-like toy gun at school. Dr. Dan Blachford, school superintendent, said “We are just very vigilant and we feel that if we draw a very strict line then we have much less worry about someone bringing in something dangerous.” Police charged the boy with “possessing an imitation firearm in or on an education institution.” No. I won’t comment. It’s just too easy...it’s just...WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS STATE?! Their legislators have actually made possessing toy guns at school a crime?! A crime for which 7-year old children may be charged?! And what does Dr. Blachford fear--a $10.00 Nerf gun? Dr. Blachford should be required to write on the blackboard 100 times: “I will not overreact like a witless twit,” and “I will not be surprised when children behave like children.” What’s his doctorate in anyway? Hysteria?

ITEM: And in the “We’re Saving The Planet, Really!” department, the Obama Environmental Protection Agency--and I swear that I am not making this up--is now going to regulate the apocalyptically toxic, environment obliterating menace of--spilled milk. SPILLED MILK?! Spilled milk. From the Wall Street Journal Via Hot Air (here), two weeks ago the EPA finalized a rule that places milk in the same category as spilled oil. According to what passes for logic at the EPA, “...milk contains ‘a percentage of animal fat, which is a non-petroleum oil,’ as the agency put it in the Federal Register.” So is my hair much of the time. Hmm. Now who would benefit from less spilled milk? I’ve got it! Mr. Obama has turned the EPA over to a sinister cabal of Marxist dairy cattle!

How would you enforce something like this? Armed federal raids on dairy farms with crack EPA mop-up teams in cow camo slapping on the udder-cuffs? I find the image of little cow horns jutting from their Kevlar helmets irresistible. In all seriousness--since there is apparently none to be found in the Federal Government--I can’t imagine a better candidate for abolishment, or failing that, down-to-the-last-penny defunding than the EPA. Do they really need electric lights, what with all the mercury in the florescent light bulbs and all? Better abolishment or defunding than horny government operatives installing oil booms around the breasts of lactating mothers and denying their husbands drilling permits to prevent future leaks.

ITEM: And speaking of drilling, the Israelis, recognizing the dangers inherent in relying on others for their energy supplies, have discovered several massive natural gas fields and are hastening to exploit them. Being surrounded by hostiles sworn to its destruction tends to focus the attention of a nation on the basics, such as economic and national survival. But wait a minute! Isn’t America increasingly surrounded, if not in fact, then at least figuratively, by hostile nations bent on its destruction? Isn’t America reliant on other nations, including many hostile nations, for its energy needs? And doesn’t America have some of the largest energy deposits in the world, deposits that we’re doing little or nothing to exploit? I wonder if I’m too old to learn Hebrew?

ITEM: The horses are gone; shut the barn door! Sen, Joe Liberman (I-Conn.) said of the report on the Fort Hood massacre, that its “painful conclusion is that the Fort Hood massacre could have and should have been prevented.” Why wasn’t it prevented? Political correctness. The FBI didn’t talk to the Army. Army officers ignored--for years--Maj. Hasan’s blatantly Jihadist tendencies and rants out of fear that they’d be persecuted and their careers destroyed. So serious was his behavior over several years that the military would have been justified--at any instant--in discharging him and instituting an FBI anti-terrorism investigation. You don’t suppose any of this had to do with the mindlessly pro-Muslim views of our Commander in Chief, do you? Naaaah. He's too busy directing NASA's ancient Muslim outreach and developing anti-cattle counter-spillage tactics.

ITEM: During his Superbowl interview with Bill O’Reilly, President Obama denied that he wants to redistribute income. Hahahahahahaha! No, no! Stop it, please! O’Reilly asserted that ObamaCare was an example of redistributing income, and Mr. Obama explained that ObamaCare was merely a matter of people “taking responsibility.” Ah! So initially, forcing people to buy insurance against their will was a “fee.” Then it became a “tax.” Now it’s “taking responsibility.” But isn’t “taking responsibility” a voluntary matter? After all, if you’re forced to do it, no decision making is required. Doesn’t taking responsibility more or less require making a decision to, you know, take responsibility? And didn’t Mr. Obama tell Joe the Plumber that he believed in “spreading the wealth around?” No doubt he meant “spreading the responsibility around.” Hahahahahaha! I can’t take it anymore...

ITEM: Iran has taken yet another repressive measure aimed at its own increasingly restive population: The mullahs have banned, from Iranian TV, cooking shows featuring foreign recipes. It’s one thing to be the foremost state sponsor of terrorism in the world and to develop nuclear weapons that will surely be used against Israel and America, but to ban pizza, hot dogs and hamburgers?! Can we bomb them now, Mr. Obama, pretty please?

ITEM: The winners of this week’s Louis Renault Award are: Anyone who believed President Obama’s assertion, during his O’Reilly Superbowl interview, that he has not raised taxes. According to Politifact (here), shortly after taking office, Mr. Obama raised taxes on cigarettes and other tobacco products, and ObamaCare already has one of a great many tax increases in effect: A tax on indoor tanning. But to be scrupulously fair, since most of the other non-tax increase tax increases won’t go into effect until ObamaCare is fully implemented in 2014, Mr. Obama was arguably lying to only, say, the 99.9945% level. Where are unruly Congressmen ready and willing to yell “you lie!” when you need them? But again, to be fair, who you gonna believe? The President or your own lyin' eyes?

ITEM: According to the most recent Gallup Poll conducted from Feb. 2-5, 68% of Americans disapprove of Mr. Obama’s handling of the deficit while only 27% approve of it. His disapproval/approval rating on other politically important issues are equally grim. To wit: Taxes: 42/54; healthcare: 40/56; economy: 37/60. What remains inexplicable is the fact that 27% of the public apparently thinks that the man who spent more in two years than all other presidents in the history of the republic combined, and who is absolutely determined to spend the nation into oblivion, is doing a good job--apparently at spending the nation into oblivion. And I thought that was a bad thing. Apparently they think that “investing” is somehow different than “spending money we don’t have and can’t pay back.”

ITEM: Time Magazine recently published an online article titled “Why Obama’s Silence on Gun Control Pleases No One.” Hmm. I suspect that American’s gun owners, to say nothing of those who actually support the Constitution--all of it--are reasonably pleased about this. Discuss.

ITEM: Via the indispensable Michelle Malkin we learn that MIT economist Johathan Gruber has devised a brilliant plan to repair faulty ObamaCare “messaging.” Gruber, who was instrumental in putting together the original, 2000+ page monstrosity, has announced that he has the perfect way to explain its wonders--in a way that such benighted souls can comprehend--to those Americans unable to properly appreciate it: A comic book. That’s right, he’s going to write an equally massive comic book that will explain ObamaCare. As they used to say about Grey Poupon: “But of course!” No one who truly understands ObamaCare could possibly object to it, so a comic book must be the answer for those who couldn’t read or understand the actual bill--like the entire Congress. Gruber promises that it will have “lots of pictures.” “Unhand those uninsured Americans with pre-existing conditions you evil insurance company!” “Arrghh! It’s Captain Deficit! Curses! Bankrupted again!”

ITEM: Also via the diminutive but formidable Michelle Malkin, the Mansfield Independent School District (between Ft. Worth and Dallas, TX) has recently announced that it secured a five year, $1.3 million grant from the federal Foreign Language Assistance Program. We actually have one of those?! Since when? So which language will be taught in a state that is 1/3 Hispanic? Why, Arabic, of course! The federal Department of Education has designated Arabic a “language of the future.” Of course they have. The classes, which will include indoctrination in Arabic “culture,” will be mandatory at one elementary school and one middle school and optional at another middle school and a high school.

Parents, who were not consulted or notified until a meeting February 7th (the grant was secured during the summer of 2010), were not amused. The Mansfield Superintendent apparently made a fundamental geographic mistake: Mansfield is actually located in Texas, not the Levant. I have it on good authority that local Texans are taking affirmative steps--many in cowboy boots--to “educate” the Superintendent about the “realities” of Texas geography and “culture.” Hey! Shouldn’t we be taking affirmative steps to ensure that Arabic isn’t one of the “languages of the future?”

ITEM: It’s Deja Vu All Over Again! In an apparent attempt to create the illusion that he is actually pro-business, Mr. Obama recently read from his teleprompter to a meeting of the Chamber of Commerce. He began, in his usual, humble style, by praising himself for showing up, and it was unicorns and fairy dust from there. Some of the highlights included an announcement that he has ordered all governmental bureaucracies to do away with “unnecessary regulations,” after which he observed that “regulations are good” while waving a gold pocket watch before the mesmerized businessmen who were soon rhythmically chanting “regulations are good; regulations are good...”

At last count, two years into his first term, Mr. Obama has imposed 40% more regulations than either the Clinton or Bush administrations, and if ObamaCare is implemented, that number will, as Mr. Obama is fond of saying “necessarily skyrocket.” Thank goodness Mr. Obama is pro-business. Were he not, he might take over, say, General Motors and force it to build electric cars (Electric cars! Ha-ha!) so expensive the government will have to subsidize them just to get them off the showroom floor! Ha-ha! Whew! I just slay myself sometimes!

ITEM: And the hits just keep on coming! The Navy (here) is developing protective glasses that more or less instantly change tints, going from sunglasses dark to clear in 1.4 second. For operators like the SEALS, the benefits should be obvious, but as a matter of convenience for the average man, the benefits are also great. Apparently the civilian availability of the technology is not far off. Anchors aweigh!

ITEM: That Internet Is Fast! On Feb. 9, it was revealed that Rep. Chris Lee (R-State of Witlessness/NY) had posted a shirtless photo of himself on a dating website indicating that he was 39 and divorced. Lee is mid fortyish and married. Within a few hours, Lee announced his immediate resignation from the Congress. Ironic: Lee held the seat held by Eric Massa, who also resigned due to sexual impropriety involving tickling male aides. I wonder if any “non-petroleum oil” was involved? This sounds like a job for the EPA! Interesting: Instead of dissembling, hanging on and being protected by Nancy Pelosi ala Charles Rangel, a morally compromised Republican is out so fast his hat has yet to settle to the ground. That’s change we can believe in.

ITEM: "Hell Freezes Over As Pigs Fly!" department. During a Capital Hill hearing on Feb. 9, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) asked Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke if he agreed that cutting spending is the best way to stimulate growth. Mr. Bernanke replied: “That’s correct.” Knock the nation over with a feather. Was the Bernanke we’ve seen prior to this report the evil Bernanke brother? Does he have a sinister mustache and goatee?

ITEM: Pig Not Only Fly, But Dive-Bomb! In a New York Times(!) article about bias among psychologists printed on Feb. 7 (here), Jonathan Haidt polled those present at the annual conference of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology to determine their political affiliation. Haidt, a social psychologist at the University of Virginia, asked for a show of hands to indicate how many were politically liberal, producing a thicket of hands that he estimated as 80% of the 1000 psychologists in attendance. Asking for centrists and libertarians, he observed less than three dozen. Conservatives? Three. “This is a statistically impossible lack of diversity,” Haidt observed, and noted that approximately 40% of the population self-identifies as conservative and only 20%, liberal. This couldn’t be supportive of the proposition that overwhelming liberal bias exists in academia and psychology, could it? Naaaah. Haidt also asked the conference how many liberal psychologists it takes to change a lightbulb. Answer: Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change and produce jobs via high-speed rail.

ITEM: First Lady Michelle Obama recently addressed two of the most vexing problems facing America. Obesity? Nutrition? Hardly. Barack Obama does not dye his hair and has stopped smoking. It’s lighting, you see, that makes his hair gray one day and black the next. And as for smoking, Mrs. Obama knows he has stopped because she hasn’t see him light up. But of course.

And on that definitive, unassailable note, thanks for dropping by, and I’ll see you next Thursday! Hey, who you gonna believe? Mrs. Obama or your own lyin' eyes?