March 27, 2011

Adventures in Linguistics!

I must admit it: Barack Obama has inspired me. In light of certain recent manifestations of linguistic obfuscation, Mr. Obama has motivated me to emulate William Shakespeare. After all, if he could make up words, why can’t I? Well, OK, so I’m not the most brilliant playwright in the English language, but I know my way around a dictionary, so why not? So here’s my new word, my original contribution to the mother tongue, in convenient dictionary format:

Obombism (oh-bahm-izm), n. 1. A euphemism for a direct, simple term that, while appearing literate and intellectual, is actually meaningless and incomprehensible, thus contributing to the bombing--i.e destruction--of the English language. Ex: “The war was a kinetic military action.”
2. A descriptive translation of a direct and simple term misused and misappropriated for political purposes so as to clarify and restore its meaning. Ex.: Historic Presidential Speech: "Banal teleprompter reading."

The kind of ingenious, yet entirely useless and unnecessary, linguistic innovations wrought by Mr. Obama and his sycophants deserve to be widely disseminated, if for no other reason than to mock them mercilessly in an almost certainly vain attempt to shame the shameless. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. In that noble pursuit, I offer twenty Obombisms:

(1) Tomahawk Cruise Missile: “Airborne explosive loose change”

(2) Duck: “Aquatic excrement infusion facilitator”

(3) Cow: “Udderly cud-masticating lactose generator”

(4) Peace: “Non-kinetic, non-combatant somnambulistic state of being”

(5) Wisconsin Democrat Legislator: “Mobile fleeing perpetual outrage monkey”

(6) Barack Obama: “Teleprompter manufacturer full employment insurance”

(7) Hillary Clinton: “Opportunistic foreign policy contrarian"

(8) Public Employee Unions: “Taxpayer revenue blood-sucking death cabbages from Hell”

(9) Joe Biden: “Gafftastic malaprop generator”

(10) Predator Drone: “Obama foreign policy”

(11) Bicycle: “Self-initiated locomotive crotch chafer”

(12) Ally: “Object of scornful derision and denigration”

(13) Enemy: “Object of obsequious appeasement”

(14) Arizona: See “Ally”

(15) American People: See “Ally”

(16) Illegal Immigration: “Ya’ll come on in and sit for a century or two”

(17) Oil: “Brazilian economic growth and full employment initiative”

(18) Obamacare: “National economic and personal death panel”

(19) Gasoline: “Energy price skyrocket”

(20) Ethanol: “Farm state subsidy skyrocket”

See how much fun this is? And talk about providing a public service! You too can contribute to mass public confusion and the eventual dissolution of the English language! You too can turn perfectly useful words like “hope” and “change” into meaningless jumbles of letters and sounds! Why not start today to continue what Mr. Obama has begun? As Joe “The Sheriff” Biden would say, it’s your patriotic duty!

Patriotic: “Unbelievable amount of money-wasting progressive boondoggle”

Posted by MikeM at March 27, 2011 04:16 PM